Friday, November 20, 2009

Walmart Police

My child is now scarred for life.

A few weeks ago I took Delilah to the Dollar Tree. For those of you who don't have one around, it's a store that sells crap. Everything is a dollar. That kinda thing. I only went to get some cheap candy for some halloween treat bags I am making for her class. I know, I know. What a good mommy.

Well, when we got outside to the car I saw she had some big green glass pebbles in her hand. She loves rocks. A couple of weeks ago I thought the belt was going out in the washing machine. Nope, just a pocket full of gravel from the playground. Anyway, I asked her where she got them. She looked down at the ground and mumbled "from the store." They were the kinda glass pebble things you put in a fish bowl or something. I remembered seeing a broken open bag scattered all over the floor. She didn't realize that it was merchandise. Hell, to a kid it probaly just looked like trash. So, I didn't bring her back into the store to apologize. I really don't think she completely understood what she did was wrong. I couldn't have really paid for four glass pebbles anyway. I've worked in retail before, we would have thrown this crap away. I scolded the hell of her though. I explained how stealing was very wrong and people that steal go to jail and don't see their mommy or daddy or mama kitty again. It was right about the mama kitty part that she cried. Not mama kitty!!!

She was quiet the whole ride home (because I told her not to even breathe heavy) and I made her come home and tell her daddy what she did. First offense, all was easily forgiven and forgotten.

So, this weekend I took her on some errands with me. Saturday we went to Hobby Lobby and Target to get some supplies to make a gift basket for bosses day. We went to the kitchen gadget aisle where she pointed out the "Cheese Scratchers."

"The what?" I asked.

"It's a cheese scratcher, mommy. You scratch in on the cheese and make the cheese little."

I almost wet myself in Target.

She was very good. When we got into the car to go home she asked me if she had been good. "Yes," I replied, "you were a very good girl."

"Mommy, I didn't stole nothing."

All was good. The next day, we went to Walmart (shut up, it's cheap) for some medicine. The aisle was very crowded and out of the corner of my eye I saw her move the empty buggy in front of us out of the way. The man that was using the buggy looked around and played silly with her.

"Now, dang it! Where did that buggy go? It was right here." He looked down at her. "Did you take my buggy?"

She was silent. He was being very friendly and silly but she was silent. I didn't think anything of it. So, I played along.

"Delilah Jade! Did you steal that man's buggy?" I gasped. "The Walmart police and gonna come and take you to Walmart jail!"

I was joking with her.

She was devastated. HUGE crocodile tears and sobbing ensued. I apologized profusely. I told her I was only joking.

Come was funny, right?

Worst mommy ever.

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